The lines lead off short before launching into a long one. And the dialogue format -- the direct address to the reader -- provides an irresisible element of interest. We all sit up straighter when we're the subject of the conversation. Whitman was clever to bring the reader into his poems in the intimate address he uses, almost of a lover wooing.
But what can you do to make a long line irresistibly poetic if you don't want to woo the reader so obviously? I notice another trick in these and many other Whitman lines: the juxtaposition of the small, intimate details with a vast landscape. He was a master of the "
pull-back shot." He was cinematic before cinema was invented.
His other big device is repetition. In the lines above, the repetition is simple: "you" and "I." In other poems, a whole clause or sentence is repeated in a list poem.
This gives me the idea that the way to make long lines really work well is to find sonic devices that bring them back to lyric poetry's beginnings. I'm thinking assonance, alliteration, internal rhyme, slant rhyme, repetends. Perhaps even meter, though I find a line doesn't hold well beyond pentameter.
Your thoughts?